Everythings Not Lost
by mindless.on.fire
Summary: Ashley, only a few months from her 18th birthday, gets placed into what hopes to be her final foster home.
1. Chapter 1

I remember the first time I went into a foster home. I thought I'd stay there for a while. I believed them when they told me I wouldn't be moving around that much. Three years and six houses later, I've learned better. Some of the homes were okay. Some of the homes were hell. Either I got taken out of the home due to unsafe living conditions or I messed up enough to be forced to relocate. At the last house, the Marsh's, I got kicked out for beating Tommy up. He stole my iPod that I won at a raffle. It's the one thing that I have that is actually worth something. No way could I let him get away with that. The house before that, Mr. Ramos liked his scotch a bit too much. The house before that, Mr. Wagner loved the younger boys a bit too much, and the previous houses are just a blur to me. I remember partying and doing drugs but that is about it.

"Are you gonna go check it out or what?" Aiden says to me, my social worker. My god I hate him more than anything. Even the sound of his voice makes me cringe.

"Come on, Ashley, we've been through this multiple times." He looks back at me with that stupid look on his face like he's about to shit something massive.

"I know, Aiden, we have. That's the problem. I'm sick of this."

"I know you are but you don't have a choice in this situation kiddo. So get your butt out of the car and let's go."

"You know I hate you right?" not the slightest hint of sarcasm fills my voice.

"I know. You've told me so many times how much you loathe me Ashley but the sooner you get your shit and move into this house, the sooner I can leave. Got it?" he gets out of the car and starts to wipe fake dirt off of his pin stripe black suit. His tie a shade of pink. His hair looks like a car spit up oil in it.

"Whatever."

I open the car door and am in shock at how cold it is outside. Fog fills the air making it hard to really assess the house. It is the biggest one I have stayed in so far. I walk on the crisp, frost sparkling grass towards the front door. The porch looks as if it wraps around the whole house. Aiden, who is walking in front of me, goes to knock but the door swings open before he got to.

"Hi, you must be Mr. Dennison. It's good to meet you. I'm so glad you're finally here, I've been anxious all day waiting." The man lets out a warm chuckle and hands out free smiles. Aiden turns to me on his heels before the older black haired man even had the chance to talk to me.

"Ashley, how about you go check out the back yard while we finish up some paperwork, I heard they got a killer view." His eye brows raise and he pulls his black sunglasses off like the old man in Men In Black does. He always does that. I don't understand why I have to stay outside. Why can't you just let me stay in the living room or something? It's fucking cold out and all I have is a lousy tee shirt and some ripped up corduroy skinny jeans on. Not to mention my converse are practically not even there with all the holes they have in them.

"Sure. Whatever." I roll my eyes and start walking on the porch. It does wrap all the way around, which is pretty awesome. It kind of reminds me of the house Noah built Allie in the Notebook. The paint is an off white with a tint of blue and its chipping like crazy in some places. The houses are separated by loads of trees and space. I can barely even see the outline of the house next door through the mix of shrubs and evergreens.

Aiden was right. The view is amazing. Their backyard is huge, with yellow, red, and orange leaves acting as a blanket to the grass. A swing set is on one side of the yard and large rectangular trampoline is on the other side, but right now I don't care about those as I walk straight towards the body of water. A small patch of rough sand separates me and the decent sized lake spread out before me. The fog has thickened above the water making it even eerier. It's calming almost. Seeing birds flap away, not even hearing the constant hum of traffic that I'm used to in the city. I inhale sharply letting the cold air numb my heart. It's not like moving into another house effects me that much. But at the moment that is what is bugging me. The fact that I'm used to not having a place. I'm used to being alone. The only constant I've had in my life for the past three years is Aiden. And that's even worse than having no one.

"ASHLEY! WANNA COME BACK?" Aiden yells at me as if I'm a mile away.

I kick a rock with my shoe and hesitantly turn around. This is when the awkwardness really sets in. Once Aiden leaves me here with my suitcase and drives the whole 3 hours back to the city. Once my new foster parents attempt to converse with me. Just think about it, how would you feel if someone just dropped you off at someone's house and says, "Hey, I know she isn't yours, but could you feed her and house her and attempt to make sure she doesn't get into more trouble for as long as you can? Thanks, bye." Yeah. Talk about awkward.

The house is warm on the inside. The glass sliding doors open with ease and leave me in the dining room. The table isn't as big as some of the other homes I've been in. This one only fits about 10. The man who greeted Aiden looks so calm that I can't help but feel a bit relaxed as well.

"Ashley, this is Mr. Carlin." Aiden awkwardly points to him as if I'm mentally challenged and thought Mr. Carlin was the pillow sitting on the couch next to him.

"Oh. No. No. Never Mr. Carlin, Arthur, please." He reaches out and firmly shakes my hand. "Well let's get you all settled in. I hope you don't mind sharing a room, we we're trying to keep it one per room but things got a little tight." He starts to lead me through the house like I signed up for a professional tour.

"I'd love to stay and tour the place with you but I got quite the drive back and my desk is buried in papers just waiting for me. Call me if you need anything Mr. Carlin." Aiden puts his hand on my shoulder which I wiggle away. The whole, 'call me if you need me thing' basically translates to, 'call me if you wanna return her' and yes, people have.

"I'm sure we'll be fine, Thank you" Arthur says. Aiden borderline slams the door behind him. My hands grip my back pack and my eyes shuffle around the room.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road shall we? This is the living room if you couldn't tell. Down that hall is the bathroom and across from that room is me and my wife's room. You'll meet her later on when she gets off of work." The living room looks cozy. The walls are painted tan with white edges and window sills. Fake leaves hang from the fire place and the large sized TV screen. They have two love seats, both big enough for me to stretch out on; you can only imagine how big the couch is. Arthur begins to lead me up a narrow wooden stairway.

"First door on the right is the guy's bathroom. Don't use their bathroom and they won't use yours. It's just easier that way when it comes to who has to clean what." He chuckles lightly. "This is Glen's room, this is Corey's room, and this is Clay's room." Each door has a handmade sign with their names on it. Glens is in finger paint, Clay's is in pencil with cartoon dinosaurs around the letters, Corey's is a sheet of metal with his name cut out of it, one door is blank, and the other says Leigh in rainbow letters. Leigh. What a weird name. "The end door is the girl's bathroom; the door to the right is yours. You're rooming with Leigh." He pauses and smiles more, "Yeah, it looks like it should sound like lay the way it's spelled, but no, it's Lee. Anyways they'll all be home from school later. Leigh and Corey should be here in about…" he checks his watch, "ten minutes or so. Glen and Clay won't be here for another hour. Any questions?"

"Uhmmm…" I pause to think. "How old is everyone?" It's a vital piece of information that you need to know in the system. You have to watch out for the older ones while the younger ones are flat out annoying.

"Oh right, Glen and Clay are both 9. Corey is 16 and Leigh is 17. You should fit right in. Now on your papers it said that you don't need to get signed up for school? Why is that? I thought you should be a senior?" He seems genuinely interested so I throw him a bone and answer.

"I got my G.E.D. freshman year." I purse my lips together and nod my head looking around the room that I'll be living in for who knows how long.

"Wow that's amazing. I'll be sure to pick you on my team for Jeopardy night!" He smiles widely, already excited for something that I have no clue of what it is. But I can tell you right now that it sounds like some family bull crap game that fosters always try to play to get everyone to 'bond' but it never works. "Well I'll let you unpack and all and when Corey and Leigh get home I'll call you down."

I slowly nod my head. He smiles and closes the door behind him leaving me in a half decorated room. One side, I'm guessing Leigh's, is covered with posters of random bands. The other half, mine, is completely blank. The only bit of color is the blue plaid comforter on my new twin bed. There's no dresser or closet, just three drawers that are underneath the bed. There is a night stand that has one mini drawer and one deep drawer. I'm not so sure which is worse, the fact that they only give us three drawers for clothes and two drawers for personal belongings, or the fact that I could fit all my clothes in two, maybe even one, and all my belongings could easily slide into the smaller drawer of the night stand.

I plop my bag down by the bed, slip off my converse, and fall back onto the bed. I always get worn out on the first night. It's a lot of shit to handle. New home, new family that I really haven't even met yet, new surroundings. At the end of the day I'm just left blank. Too confused as to whether or not I should be myself or put up a massive front. Too confused as to whether or not I'll be staying or leaving, loved or abused, cared for or ignored. Either way I've lived it so it won't be hard to do again.

I wonder what lies behind the unmarked door across from this one. He mentioned every place besides that room. I force myself up and start to put my socks, pjs, and underwear in one drawer, my pants in one, and my shirts in the other. Most kids don't unpack when they move around as much as I, but I only have a few pairs of everything so it only takes three minutes to pack up. I throw the iPod I successfully got back from Tommy in the top drawer along with a couple books. I throw my shoes into the larger drawer along with my back pack. Never leave anything lying around. Kids in foster homes happen to have very sticky fingers on whatever they can get their hands on.

I hear a car pull into the gravel drive way so I walk over to the window and look down. The boy, Corey I assume, has blonde, brown and black curls sticking out of his black beanie. He isn't skinny but he isn't fat. There's just a little extra on him. His black pants sag slightly, but not ridiculously. The girl is about my height, which isn't much, and she has aviators on despite the lack of sun. She's wearing baggy blue jeans with a frayed Jamaican flag colored belt. A black and silver wife beater along with a half zipped up really expensive Victoria Secrets jacket. The kind of jackets that are tight around the waist and have fur around the hood. Her black hair is pulled back into a messy bun with a red head band around her forehead. They are laughing together and look naturally happy. It almost gives me hope of future friends. Almost. Within a couple of minutes I hear Arthur call me down.

I can't help but be a tad reluctant. I'm done with today even though it just hit two-thirty. I sluggishly make my way down the stairs and into the living room where all three of them are sitting. Corey's feet are on the coffee table and Leigh is slouched back.

"Ashley. This is Corey and Leigh. Guys, this is Ashley."

Corey says, "Heeey." With a smile plastered onto his face as his eyes scan over me. Leigh lifts up her aviators showing emerald eyes, "What's up." She says warmly. Her skin is ghostly white while Corey has a natural tan. They both continue to look at me which normally would be awkward…but a comfort radiates off of the two in a way I'm unfamiliar with.

"So, why don't you guys go to the store and pick up some groceries and get to know each other a bit." I can already tell he had this planned out since Leigh pulled the list out from her pocket and nodded. He's hoping this will be a 'break through' and that I'll somehow bond over the purchasing of food. Leigh stands up first and pulls the keys out from her pocket.

"Alright. We'll be back in a bit." She says as Corey gets up after her.

"Spencer, if you need anything just grab it and get it alright? Don't be shy. Leigh has the card." Arthur says to me which is strange, people rarely trust me to get whatever I want let alone give a foster child a credit card.

"Uhh thanks. Let me go get my shoes on." I say as I head up the stairs. They seem nice. Maybe I'll actually like living here. But then again, rule number one, never ever trust a first impression. I slip my converse on and walk back down the stairs where they are both waiting for me. Corey leans over and whispers something into Leigh's ear which makes her smile and look me over too. I hate this feeling. The feeling of being analyzed, being summed up with one look. You can never tell if it is bad comments or good comments.

"Ready?" Corey asks. His voice is slightly feminine but not so feminine to classify him as a massive flamer. The second we're out of the house Leigh pulls a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket.

"You smoke?" she asks as she hands the pack to me. I look around as if it's a test. Some houses will do that. They'll set you up to fail. She notices my worry, smiles, and lights her own. "No one is gonna fuck you over here." She tosses me the pack and I slowly take out a small dose of carbon monoxide.

"Come on Leigh, like she believes that. I remember you being a hostile little bitch when you first got here." Corey says as he opens up the front door of the car for me, "You can get the front seat. Who knows what the fuck is in the back." He chuckles and hops in while Leigh gets into the driver's seat. The car is a black worn down BMW. Not the fancy kind though, I'm guessing this one is from the early 90's maybe even the late 80's. Despite the age the engine starts up smoothly and barely makes a sound as she does a three point turn and speeds out of the drive way.

"So how you like it here so far?" Corey is leaning forward with this arms resting on the center console, practically putting him in the middle of the seat.

"I've only been here for like half an hour." I say to him as I take a drag off the cigarette. I'm not much of a talker to be honest. I only have 5 months till my 18th birthday and until I'm finally out of the system. Making friends isn't too high up on the list at the moment.

"True true but still how do you…" Corey got cut off.

"Fuck man if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to." Leigh looks over at me and smiles slightly as if she thinks she is doing me a favor. I could really care less either way.

"Babe I'm just trying to get to know her. I'm gonna be livin with the bitch, I wanna get to know her. Plus I don't think Ashley minds, huh Ashley?" he looks at me and wiggles his eye brows trying to get me to go on his side.

"I don't really care either way." I say plain and simple.

"See. I can blabber if I want." He says triumphantly even though I didn't necessarily agree with him.

"Yeah well you're gonna annoy me pretty soon if you keep blabbering." Leigh says with a chuckle.

"So are you guys dating?" I ask out of curiosity. They don't act like a couple but him calling her babe got me a little confused.

"Who? Me and Him? FUCK THAT!" Leigh starts laughing hysterically which makes me a tad worried since she is the one driving.

"Whatever. You so wanted me when you first got to the house. We would of hooked up if you didn't go all gay pride on me."

Everything got kind of quiet and Leigh smacks Corey as best as she can from the position they are in.

"Way to drop the fucking bomb asshole." she says as she flicks her cigarette out the car window.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Leigh is not a fan of the cock."

"Yeah. I don't do dick. But Corey on the other hand…" She trails off and ends her sentence with a cough.

"So you're both gay?" I say blankly.

"No. Uh uh. I'm only half. I go both ways…and yes I am single" Corey announces as he winks at me. That's a little awkward but he's smiling goofily so it doesn't bug me too much. I don't really know what to say at the moment. It's not like it bothers me at all. I've hooked up with a couple of girls before at a party. I don't really remember doing it but I know there are pictures somewhere out there.

"Please don't tell me I'm rooming with a homophobe." Leigh says as she looks at me seriously.

A small chuckle escapes my lips, "I'm not homophobic."

"Oooh are you gay too?!" Corey claps his hands. Leigh looks intrigued and has a slight smirk on.

"No. I'm not gay."

"So you're straight." He almost sounds disappointed which I don't know why.

"No. I'm just not into labels. I feel like whatever I want to do, I'm going to do. If I see a girl that I really want, I'll go after her. If I see a guy that I really want, I'll go after him. Most people would consider that bisexual or whatever. But I'm not into that either. Especially because it's become some ridiculous trend. It's just like how a few years ago we went through a depression trend. Suddenly everyone who got a little sad here and there needed Prozac. Now that everyone is a little older and more into the sex scene, they're suddenly bi…which I think is just an excuse fuck anything." My answer makes Leigh's smirk turn into a full blown smile.

When we pull back into the drive-way fully stocked up with 253.36 dollars of food and a couple pairs of basketball shorts for Leigh and a couple of tank tops that Corey and Leigh insisted on getting me.

"Oh hey, look who's here." Corey says as he points to a maroon Honda CRV in the same spot that Leigh would of parked the BMW. Leigh's face is stuck into a permanent smile.

"She didn't tell me she was visiting."

"Who?" I ask.

"One of Arthur's daughters." Corey says, "She's fucking gorgeous man. A total killer. I bet she'd make any gay man go straight."

Leigh parks the car next to the CRV, "No Corey, she makes you go straight. She's the only reason you even consider yourself bi." I chuckle a little bit while grabbing the groceries without noticing. But once I realize the fact that I am smiling, I force myself to stop. I don't understand the comfort that I feel right now. I know that I should be isolated for being the rookie of the house. I shouldn't just be able to say, "Hey." And automatically be accepted into this family. That's not how the system works. There must be something behind it all. There's always a catch.

While walking in I see two boys sitting on the floor playing guitar hero like zombie rock stars, not even blinking from being too afraid to miss a note. Instead of interrupting their game and making a big deal out of my arrival, I set the groceries on the kitchen counter and head up stairs. When I enter the room, Leigh is already there. "You'll meet the boys later. They are completely unaware of the world around them once the PS3 turns on."

"Wow. You have a PS3? Aren't those crazy expensive? Is Arthur like crazy rich?"

"Don't tell him I told you this, cause he doesn't want anyone to think he is like higher up than him or something, but his wife, Paula, is the owner of the local hospital which brings in bank, while Mr. C himself is the creator of PS3. He designed the main software and everything, so yeah. Pretty much."

"Whoa."

"Yeah. It's pretty crazy. He spoils everyone rotten." She gets up and closes the door and randomly starts to strip her clothes off. On one hand its extremely awkward. I just met her tonight and here she is in a black bra showing off her toned abs and arm muscles. It's extremely awkward because I can't seem to focus on anything else and she sees that. It's extremely awkward because for a second the way her hip bones stick out forming a gap between the fabric of her shorts and her skin is sexy. I've come to realize that both hands in this situation are awkward. I force my eyes away quickly and reach in my drawer for my iPod. Hurriedly I shuffle through the artists that I have, which isn't much, and when I look back up at Leigh her black hair is resting a few inches below her shoulder. Her smirk still hasn't dissipated.

The door flings open making me jump. A girl in nothing but a towel walks into the room closing the door behind her. "Can I borrow some underwear?" She asks Leigh who looks at her funny and says, "No."

"Jerk." The blonde says, still not aware of my presence. She playfully hits Leigh then slowly walks towards her. I can already tell what kind of situation this is going to turn into. With the look in Leigh's eyes, the naked blonde, and it is so AWKWARD. All I can think about is how I can escape this situation. Should I cough? Drop something on the floor, run out like a crazy coward? Whatever I'm going to do I need to do it fast because the blonde is only a few steps away from Leigh and even I feel like I'm about to explode from the sexual tension between the two. Almost as if the feelings between the two are shifting into me and I begin to feel a fire ignite in a place it shouldn't. I shift in the bed and it squeaks thankfully, although it wasn't on purpose. This seems to snap Leigh out of the sex induced coma. Her cheeks turn bright pink and she tucks her hair behind her ears. The blonde turns around and looks directly at me before busting into laughter. Leigh begins to laugh too but I just sit there. Is there something wrong with me? Is something in my teeth? Are they simply laughing to laugh? Should I laugh as well?

The blonde walks over to my bed and shakes my hand softly. "Sorry about that, totally didn't see you. I'm Spencer, you must be Ashley." She looked at me from head to toe, just as Leigh and Corey already have. "Damn Leigh. Corey said she was gorgeous but he didn't say she was THIS sexy." She winks at me, goes over to one of Leigh's drawers, picks out a pair of boy shorts and leaves.

"Whoa." I say not knowing how to handle that in the slightest bit.

Leigh just smiles and nods her head back and forth. "I know right?"


	2. Saran Wrapped Love

"Have you talked to her outside the whole store thing?"

I look out into the mist as I take a drag off of one of my Camel Wides. It's crisp outside. The sun is just beginning to disappear behind the mountains that surround us. We're sitting on the love seat that is on the back porch. It's my calming place. My smoking place. The place I go to when memories and thoughts are way too much to handle. A thick down blanket is almost always here for when I come out at night. The only time that this blanket gets removed is when the storms pass through.

"No. Not really. She isn't talkative really. But this is only her second day here." I say back to him as we both stare off. Within the first few days you can tell if someone is going to stay here for a while or not. Some people just fit here. I think it's because all the people who end up staying her for a while are completely worn out of the system. We're all done with the worrying and we just wanna live.

"Yeah I know. It's just…you know how impatient I get."

Which is true. Corey can hardly stand the wait for Easy Mac to get out of the microwave. Plus he just wants to befriend anyone and everyone. We don't get new kids that much, but when we do, if they don't want to go shopping with him within the first few days he tends to take that a bit too personal. "Give her some time. She'll warm up soon. You can tell she wants to, she just has to learn to trust us."

I inhale some more toxins before putting the tiny torch out in a large coffee can. I fill my lungs with as much air as I possibly can, inhaling until I think it is physically impossible to expand my chest any more. With the breath the faint smell of evergreen and salt fills my senses sending shivers down my spine… and for a split second I close my eyes, knowing that the faint laughter I just heard was nothing but a sick joke my mind likes to play on my heart every now and then. Unconsciously my fingers start to fiddle with the black bandana wrapped around my wrist. My brothers birthday is tomorrow.

"I love you Leigh." Corey nudges me knowing my mind is drowning in memories. Corey is always there to throw me a rope and pull me back to the stable ship. He is smiling at me trying to offer as much comfort as possible and it does help. Those words are rare. Not the simple words but the meaning is rare. People can throw I love you around as much as they please but when you hear it from someone who truly means it, nothing can replace that feeling.

"I love you too Corey." This is the closest relationship that I ever created with someone after the accident four years ago. He is the closest thing I have ever had to a family member after that single day. But that day is something that we don't discuss. Almost everyone knows the basics of what happened. Birthday camping trip gone wrong. Station wagon vs. Semi, only one person surviving. But no one knows the exacts. No one but me and even my memories are slightly blurred. Well at least the memories of what happened after the ambulance showed up. Everything before then is perfectly clear. I can remember every last detail down to the license plate number of the semi that took my mother and my father and my brother but left me here to duke it out alone.

Letting out a sigh, I shove my thoughts aside. Tears are now threatening to escape which is a clear sign to move on to a different subject. Corey senses the war over my thoughts going on in my mind and throws me yet another life vest.

"So what is going on with you and Spencer, huh?" he wiggles his eye brows up and down.

"Same old same old man. You know how she is. Nothing but a tease. Plus you know I'm not after her." I say and light up another cigarette, handing the pack to Corey who lights up his own.

"If you're not after her than why do you tease her back?" It's a valid question. There have been many times where I pressed up against her a little too close, or touched her in lustful ways on purpose.

"I'm not sure. It's something to do I guess. Nothing will ever be made out of it. I'm still chasing Lucy." I laugh slightly about the whole Lucy situation. She's a dream. Well my dream at least. She's hilarious and daring. Compassionate to say the least. She's not afraid to go there and come back. She's a natural beauty too. No make-up, wavy red hair. Her eyes are speckled green and brown and grey. Every time I see her I forget who I am and where I am. I just want to hold her hand.

"Have you talked to her yet?" Corey breaks my train of thought and interrupts my dreams.

"Yes." He looks at me and dares me to tell the truth. "Okay, no, but you know how she makes me feel. I get all blah around her. How can I talk to her if I can't even think logically around her?"

The sun has now disappeared and we are sitting in the dark but I can still see his features outlined into a huge smile.

"I don't know Leigh. That's your shit." I thank him for being ever so kind and helpful while putting out the cigarette.

"Can I bum one?" a weak, raspy voice asks in the doorway.

"Can you turn the porch light on?" I ask back and within a few moments the light bulb flickers on showing Ashley in red plaid pajama shorts and a black and grey baseball tee with the sleeves that stop mid arm. I reach over and hand her the pack of cigarettes as she walks over and sits down on one of the other chairs across from the love seat that me and Corey are on.

Her straight brown hair pokes out from the winter hat that she has on. The flaps that hang over her ears keep her warm despite the lack of winter clothing.

"Sleep okay last night?" Corey asks with general concern.

"Well. I slept okay." She nods and stares off into the distance while taking another drag. I know that is a lie. She was tossing and turning all night. Most people don't sleep on the first night in a new home. Me on the other hand, I rarely sleep at all. I get three hours each night, roughly. Sometimes more and sometimes less. I've gotten used to it though.

"So what do you think of Spencer?" Corey is always full of questions. At first it's the most annoying thing in the world but after a while, it becomes a comfort to you. He asks you straight up, he doesn't beat around the bush. It makes it easier to open up about things because you never have to try to casually 'slip' something that you want to talk about into an already ongoing conversation.

"I haven't really conversed with her but she's uhhh…" Ashley searches for the right words but Corey finishes her sentence.

"Hot." We all kinda give out a small laugh because we all agree.

"Yeah. Well. I can't deny that. Speaking of which, did she give you the package yet?" I ask Corey which I assume is a no because his eyes light up as he grabs his phone and starts to text her. Ashley tenses up a tiny bit and lifts her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees for warmth. Within minutes I hear the sliding door swing open.

"Heeey guys." Spencer's voice is smooth and calm. She has a small throw blanket wrapped around her body, a pair of short shorts and an olive green hoodie on. Her hair is thrown up into a messy bun with a pen poked through the middle of it.

"Did you bring it?" He always fails to keep his excitement down.

"Of course I brought it dweeb, chill out." She always calls him that. Or dork, or stupid, or geek. But she doesn't mean it. Spencer is like Corey's older sister. In a sick, fucked up, he'd date her if he could kind of way.

"Well then whip it out man. Let's get this party starting." I say and offer a smile to Ashley who looks more confused than ever, if not a tad bit scared.

Spencer sits down right next to Ashley and smiles brightly at her. "Hello again." Ashley just nods and weakly smiles back. The blonde pulls out the one thing me and Corey have been waiting all day for and lights it up. Inhaling deeply then passing it to me.

"Is.. is that pot?" Ashley says in a whisper.

"Yeah. Amazing pot too. It's called Grape Ape. Ever tried it?" smoke coming out of her mouth the whole time she was talking.

"I've smoked pot before yeah but not grape ape. Okay..isn't Arthur in there making dinner? Like right fucking there." Her worry makes all of us smile. I pass the doobie to Corey who scarves down a couple drags.

"He's chill. Do you want some?" Corey is leaning across the porch and offering it to her. She's hesitant. Looking at the joint then to the kitchen the back to the joint.

"Look gorgeous, if you aren't gonna take it, I will." Spencer's words cause her to smile and grab the joint from Corey, who is smiling like crazy already. Now don't get the wrong impression here, please. We aren't major pot heads. We don't blow all our money getting drugs. We don't smoke every day. It's a once or twice a week occasion that we do in the safety of our own home and out of harm's way. That's the only reason Arthur is okay with it really. Don't tell anyone, but we've got him to smoke a couple of times too…speaking of which we hear Arthur yell something but nobody can quite distinguish what he said.

Corey giggles before yelling, "WHAT?!"

Arthurs head pokes out of the slider door right as Ashley is blowing out a massive cloud of smoke. Ashley's eyes pop out of her head and she practically tosses the joint to Spencer who is happy to take it off of her hands. Mr. C's smile is from ear to ear, "Well Ashley. Looks like you're fitting in just right." She smiles and looks away, partly because she doesn't know how to react and partly because this is bomb ass weed.

"Dinner will be done in ten. Hahaha perfect timing right? Doobie before Dinner." He pops his head back through the sliding door and we all bust up laughing. I can feel the dank take over my mind…the light from the porch already seems brighter and the back yard already seems darker… if that makes any sense.

Ashley stands up and goes to walk into the house but trips over nothing, falling right onto Spencer. The brunette explodes with laugher until she realizes that she is laying on Spencer who really doesn't mind but Ashley doesn't know that. Although the drug is clouding her mind, foster instinct is still in her blood. She knows that she crossed a personal boundary line and this scares her. She quickly gets up and apologizes a couple of times.

"It's okay, Ashley, really, you can get on top of me whenever you'd like." Spencer's voice is low and raspy and I know the game she is going to play tonight. It's Spencer's favorite game and she plays with almost everyone. It's like her favorite past time, watching people practically cream their pants and knowing she's the reason. It's not hard though. One look with those dark blue lustful eyes and most people are swooning. Me included. Even when you try to deny the feelings she causes in you, they come back with a vengeance. Ashley is taken aback by the statement and blushes, frozen in the moment. Their eyes lock and I know the exact feeling Ashley is feeling right now. Spencer creates such strong emotions in people that everyone even witnessing the action feels like a part of it.

"Damnnn. Why you always gotta do that?" Corey says as he is laying on the couch, his feet now in my lap. Spencer looks over to Corey and raises an eye brow.

"Do what?" but she knows exactly what and I know she knows from the smile she has plastered on her face.

"DINNNNNEEEERRRR!!!" Arthurs voice sounds like heaven to both me and my stomach as we all get up and rush into the kitchen and grab our plates. One by one we walk down the assembly line that Arthur set up. Tonight is chicken nuggets with Mac n cheese and corn. Yum. It's my favorite.

"Where are the boys?" Spencer asks when she notices that there are only five plates set out.

"They are staying the night at Timmy's house tonight." Arthur is always the last one to dish his plate no matter what. At first I didn't know why because normally whenever I make some, I make sure I get as much as I want before I offer it to anyone else but after much thought I figured it out. The simple gesture of making us dish our plates before him shows just how much he cares about us. He wants to make sure that we get the portions we want. He wants to make sure that there is enough for us kids to eat before he eats himself. That says something special to me.

We all have our certain place at the dinner table. Arthur takes the short side of the table that is facing the door. Paula, whom is never around, takes the other short side. Glen and Clay on one side, Corey and I on the other. So tonight, Ashley and Spencer fill in for Glen and Clay.

ASHLEY POV

I'm not a big partier any more. I had my fill of black outs and hangovers. In fact I've had enough of those to not be able to remember a whole year of my life. But just because I don't party heavily anymore, doesn't mean I can't have a little fun every now and then right? It's a nice change to be able to relax. To not worry about what you say and how you act. To not worry about who you can trust and who you cannot. Right now I'm shoveling Mickey Mouse shaped nuggets into my mouth and let me tell you I have never tasted a chickenier nugget in my life. Yes, I just said chickenier, and yes it is a very good thing.

"So Ashley, how was your day?" Arthur has a huge smile on his face, creating wrinkles to ripple around his mouth.

"Uhhh…." I swallow a mouth full of cheesy goodness. "It was okie. Took a walk and it's like gorgeous around here."

"Oh yeah?" Arthur is laughing at my intoxicated ramble but at the moment, I'm okay with it. "What do you guys wanna do tomorrow?"

Everyone just kinda looks around at everyone else, shrugs, and goes back to what they were previously doing. Spencer is staring into Leigh's eyes, Leigh is practically melting in her seat, and Corey is closely examining a nugget then begins to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Spencer asks.

"For a moment I felt really bad about eating this nugget. Because I thought it was made out of many Mickey Mice. But then I realized that its chicken…and that Mickey Mouse is a cartoon." This gains a chuckle out of everyone, especially Arthur who is shaking his head back and forth. "My god. What do I let you kids do?"

"Whatever dad. Remember when the Nixes next door kept on revving their truck at like 5 in the morning?" everyone except me burst into laughter and I feel myself wanting to be a part of it. I want to have memories with someone. I want a past and a future with someone other than just myself. I want to have a family just like these people have created for themselves. I want to be in their family.

"What? What is so funny?" I find myself asking as soon as the laughter settles down at least a tad. Spencer turns slightly towards me and begins telling me the story.

"A couple months ago, our neighbors started revving their truck literally at five in the morning every morning almost all week long. After the ninth day of it happening, that night we all smoked probably five bowls at least and Arthur here came up with a "Master plan". At midnight, we dressed in all black and took a massive roll saran wrap and completely wrapped both of their cars all the way around. They couldn't get into their cars for at least an hour."

We all laugh again but not with as much oomph as the last time. Looking around the table I see that everyone's plates are cleaned off.

"Corey, it's your week for dishes right?" Arthur says while looking at him.

"Uuuuhhhhggggggg, yeeeaahh, I guess." Although the stall in his voice, he is quick to jump up and gather everyone's plate.

"It was really good. Thank you." I say. Getting a meal like this, having dinner like this, is a completely new thing to me. Arthur stops what he is doing and looks me straight into the eyes making me feel warm.

"You're welcome Ashley." He smiles slightly and continues to shuffle dishes into the kitchen. I pick up my plate and cup and walk it into the kitchen as well, setting them down by the sink where Corey is already putting suds into the water and Arthur is shoving left overs into Tupperware.

I can't help but smile when I'm walking up the stairs to go to the bathroom. Grant it, I am still very high and fully not myself, but if the second night I'm here is like this, I can't wait for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. I don't even want to think about anything that could go wrong right now. I feel this comfort here that I can never remember feeling in my life. I like it.

As I'm washing my hands, I look at myself in the mirror and lose the warmth that I had just a few minutes ago. I don't know who I'm trying to fool here. The bags beneath my eyes are still present. The holes in my shirt are not being sewn. My hair still mangled. I don't belong in this gorgeous family. These people are warm. They trust each other. They love each other. And I can't even trust myself. How do I know I can trust them either? I can hear their laughter faintly from down stairs and it almost makes me sick. I am going against almost everything I ever learned. I'm going against every rule I have set for myself to cease getting hurt. I didn't go through two years of taking care of my schizophrenic mother and three years of foster care just to end up here and wind up getting hurt again. I won't let it happen.

This whole warm family bullshit stops here.


End file.
